If they say
Who cares if one more light goes out?
In a sky of a milion stars
It flickers, flickers
Who cares when someone's time runs out?
If a moment is all we are
We're quicker, quicker
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well, I do
-- Linkin Park, One More Light
In January 2020, I posted a blog on my own mental health journey and why I support a man who is undergoing his own struggles with mental illness, Noah Antwiler (a.k.a The Spoony One). A lot has happened over the course of 2020 like the appearance of COVID-19 and the pandemic that followed in it's wake. 2020 was a horrible year for everyone especially myself and the people I care about like my nephew and Spoony. While I did have my ups and downs with my mental health, I was able to fight through some of the worst depressive episodes I've ever experienced even when Spoony sent out tweets of how miserable he is and I was able to reply to his tweets letting my experiences guide me in giving him much needed support.
There have been times in the past year whenever Spoony lashed out at me for simply giving him advice, I felt very hurt but at the same time I understood why because I was in the same position as he is now all those years ago and I knew people who did the same thing as well. I was told by a family member earlier this month to cut Spoony off. My response to this (even though I never said this to them directly)? I. Won't. Before I began this whole thing with Spoony, I began a policy of not cutting people off of my Twitter page unless they are racist, homophobic, a Trump supporter, hardcore right-wing etc. Cutting someone off just because you think they are "playing people" and don't care about you when they are clearly displaying signs of mental illness (and shown signs of caring for others) is not a good reason to do that in my opinion. People like Spoony who are struggling deserve to be treated with kindness, compassion and love not hatred, ridicule and contempt.
In the past, if anybody told me that I would be supporting Spoony and others like him who are struggling with mental illness, I'd be laughing myself silly at the thought. But now, just looking back at the past year and thinking of the things I've said to Spoony in support of him, advice I've given to others who were struggling and the kindness I've shown to Spoony and others in his position, I've found that it has given me confidence that I never thought I'd get back again after having it so cruelly taken from me for so long. I even began to participate in Bell Let's Talk in recent years to spread awareness and end the stigma of mental illness so that people like myself, Spoony and others would be able to live and be open with our struggles without fear of being judged and hated for being mentally ill.
I have learned more about myself throughout this whole process with Spoony than I had in all of my thirty-six years on this Earth. I also became stronger than I was mentally since I started my mental health journey back in 2012. I know what I want to do for my future and I'm fighting for it. I've had times where I felt like giving up the fight and let my mental health bring me to the finality of suicide but I would fight against it every time. It was the thought of missing out of so many opportunities to make my life better and my Catholic faith that motivated me to keep fighting back against the suicidal thoughts in my head and live to fight another day.
If I could help someone, whether it's Spoony or someone else who is struggling with mental illness, by sharing my story and mental health journey then maybe just maybe, it would make it seem like I'm making a difference in someone's life. That's what I'm hoping to do with this blog is to share my story and chronicle my mental health journey. To let them know they'll never have to walk alone on the path to recovery. That is why I will always continue to stand with Spoony and anyone else who is struggling with mental illness and walk with them.
